Patti Cake and the Baker Man

Patti Cake, the proud mother of a long brown Twiglet and tiny white Damien, has had many male admirers in her life. All akward and some how each resembeling a member of the Village People, these men all have had major defective qualities. If they were to be in Willy Wonka´s golden egg room, all would have gone down the ¨bad egg¨shoot. Although this is true, none have been as hilariously strange as the Baker Man. At first glance the Baker Man did not look like the handsome, burly young lad that one would suspect to be with Patti Cake, but hell times were tough. The Republican (strike one) went on to tell Patti Cake that he was a proud supporter and employer of the former president, George Bush (strikes two, three, four and five). As I said before times were tough, I mean we are in the middel of a recession, and apparently Patti Cake thought this recession had to do with men as well, so she took what she could get. Relationships are a funny thing, in the beggining the other persons flaws tend to be over looked, even thought of as cute but sometimes there are certain characteristics that just cannot be ignored. One morning as Patti Cake dreamnt sweetly in the bed of her sweetheart, she awoke to the sounds of loud splashing comming from the bathroom. In a state of confusion she arose and opened the bathroom door to find her fourty-something year old boyfriend splashing around in the bath tub with a rubber duck and all, thinking this must be the cause of working for such an idiot like Bush, she turned around to exit but her eye caught a shiny object on the bathroom shelf. As she moved closer she realized that this object was what every woman fears to find in the house of their lover, a hair straightner!!!! Ah!!!! Running back into bed she fell back asleep, pretending it was all a bad dream. When she awoke the second time, she felt more at ease wandering into the bathroom to brush her teeth, she caught her Baker Man taking a piss sitting down with a wide smile on his face, ¨Good morning¨, he said¨What do you think I should wear today?¨ Now reality could no longer be seen as a nightmare, and as Patti Cake rushed to put on her clothes she knew that this Republican, Bush employee, bath taking, hair straightening, piss sitting, bad egg was not the man or woman for her.